my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
