Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
