I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
