why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
