i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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