I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
