it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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