we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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