I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
