I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
