so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
