If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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