I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His nipple licking is glorious
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