My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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