none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
