A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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