Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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