hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
