Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
