so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
