Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
