This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
