Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
