Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
