So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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