Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
