I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
