we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He passed out mid-signature
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
