I bet he comes in French.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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