You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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