dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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