He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
