You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
