i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
