You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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