my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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