I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
