Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
