Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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