she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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