So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
