Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
