I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
