I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
