I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
