The maid of honor just puked.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
