I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
