Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
