i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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