Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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