One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
