Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
