my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
