i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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